


How Did I End Up Here ?

by Nora_335



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Hurt, Hurt Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lesbian Lena Luthor, Pining, Protective Kara Danvers, Sad Lena Luthor, Self-Harm, but hey we know lena is stubborn !, kara tries to reach out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26738077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nora_335/pseuds/Nora_335
Summary: When things slip away it's not always that obvious. It all comes soflty. Sometime you don't realize that you're breaking down before you've lost the pieces.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers & Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor & Kelly Olsen
Comments: 25
Kudos: 178





	1. Chapter 1

It’s dark when Lena reaches her place.

As usual when you come home to an empty apartment. Of course it’s not _empty_ , Lena has furniture : a giant Tv screen that she never turns on, a leather couch that’s almost starting to collect dust since no one sits there, shelves running along the wall to hold books and knicks knacks, a coffee table with neatly stacked piles of paper and a laptop, and so on. But to Lena the silence and clinical tidiness of the place is unnerving tonight. The day has been a succession of problems in the labs, and board meetings full of arrogant men trying to tell her how to handle _her very own_ company. As if she didn’t know the results and numbers better than them.

Lena discards her heels and coat while walking toward the table, she’ll pick them up later. She adds another file to the neat and dreadfully high piles of papers, before drawing a shuddering breath. She isn’t ignoring the cracked picture frame on the table, she doesn’t think about how the aventurine geode she used as paperweight has been compared to the green shade of her eyes, she doesn’t look for a sticky note with kind words scribbled on it, and she _certainly_ doesn’t glance at her phone every now and then hoping to see a text from someone. Anyone.

Lena rubs her temples before venturing toward the kitchen. The headache that she felt building all day long is finally striking her full force, and a stiff drink is the only thing that will relieve some of it. Before all that mess, maybe she would have made tea, set up two cups, along with an unhealthy among of sugar because Kara ... « Stop it !» she snaps at herself. She is Lena Luthor for god's sake. She won’t break because of a headache and some idiots trying to lie to her face to gain some leverage or whatever at L-corp. She knows better than that.

Lena goes for a second drink.

She knows she shouldn’t. It’s ungodly late, and she has a meeting tomorrow at 10am, so a hangover is really not what she needs while negotiating a contract with a brand new partner. But it’s not what she is aiming for. What the young woman is searching for is the quiet buzz that only alcohol can bring her. The kind that makes the whole world spin on itself and soften its edges. So when she ends up walking toward the couch with the scotch bottle half empty in hand, all she does is snort. How did she end up like this ? She worked hard to prove the world that, conversely to her brother she can be a _good Luthor_ and not a scorpion. She rebranded the company, created medical technology and made it affordable so more lives could be saved, she makes donations, participates to galas for charities, and when she bought CatCo she saved hundred of jobs... she saved Kara’s job in a heartbeat. At the time she justified it as « diversifying my company activities », which must have come off as lame because the blond woman laughed fondly at her when she heard that. But for once she hadn’t minded the mockery, because she knew her friend meant no harm.

« And what a friend she was ... » Lena mumbles bitterly, before taking another gulp of the alcohol. Her phone buzzes, startling her out of her downward spiral of memories. Swaying ever so slightly from alcohol and exhaustion, Lena sits straight on the couch where laid to glance at the coffee table where she left her phone to see who it could be. Absolutely ready to roast alive whoever is asking something from her this late. But on the screen there is a single text from Kara « I know I have no rights to ask anything or worry, but I hope that you are doing good ». Attached to it, there is a picture of a golden retriever looking at the camera with big eyes. Kara must have seen the dog today and couldn’t resist taking a picture.

It’s ridiculous. It’s just the picture of a dog sent by her traitorous friend. If anything she should be angry. How dare she pretend she cares ? She didn’t care so much when Lena told her that betrayal was her kryptonite and yet lied to her face. She didn’t care when she called her a villain. And she certainly didn’t care when she broke her heart, proving that Lex was right all along, that she had been foolish, and that no one would ever see past the name Luthor. That people would just use Lena for personal gain or keep tabs on her out of distrust.

At the thought of her brother, snickering and taunting her, the young woman throws the scotch bottle toward the shelves with a cry of anger. Everything to not hear his voice telling her over and over that she is unworthy of love and stupid to ever have thought she was. The bottle explodes in shards with the impact and takes down some books with it, which are now laying in a puddle of scotch.

Rubbing her temples once again, Lena sighs at the mess she’s done. She had been stupid to believe that for once things would end differently. But hope has this way of seeping through the tiniest crack of an armor and the CEO had found herself in love with the kryptonian before she knew it.

When her phone vibrates again to indicate a new text she doesn’t bother looking at it, leaving it on the table. She decides to grab the books to avoid more damage, but after a few steps toward the shelves to pick them up the world spins violently around Lena and black spots creep at the edge of her vision. She barely thinks of the glass shards when she collides with the ground and a sharp pain shots through her forearms. All that crosses her mind is her brother's venomous words and Kara’s smile. That damn fake smile which she loves so fondly and that could brighten any day. She could swear that she hears Kara calling her name from afar, her name called out in anguish. But that’s just a trick from her mind because why would her former friend be here ? Lena is on her own and that’s her fault. She doesn’t call back before everything blacks out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow up of the incident.

It takes Kara two days to come to her office. Lena knew that would eventually happen since the blond woman feels compelled to come check on her every few days. The DEO needs regular tabs on the last Luthor after all! What’s more surprising is that for once it is Jess who informs her of the reporter presence over the intercom, and not just Kara walking in her office. Or worse, landing on her balcony with the full Supergirl regalia on.

“Let her come in Jess. Thank you.” the young woman finally answers.

There is no point into avoid her, if anything it would make Kara even more willing to talk to her even if it would mean coming at her place pretending that she is worried about her. Honestly, Lena would rather not explain why some books are missing from the organized shelves, or why the neatly folded plaid she always kept near the couch is now messily spread out as if someone had slept there. And the mere thought of someone seeing all the glasses and empty bottles in her kitchen is enough to make Lena nauseous. How could she explain herself? It’s not like she is the type of person to invite friend over for a drink. The young CEO remembers only vaguely the night she fainted, things being all blurring together before she cannot tell when one ends and the other starts. But one thing she does recall is hearing Kara calling her name. As if the alien woman had been here, watching on her and scared of what was happening when the brunette …

“Hey” Kara calls softly from the office door, trying to catch her attention. She shuffles a few steps inside “You were not answering when I knocked on the door, and your assistant said that you knew I was coming. I didn’t mean to intrude. I know you like having your own space, I swear I waited for your answer, but it didn’t come. So I thought …”

“Kara it’s okay.” Lena stops her because she knows first hand that the rambling could go on for a while, and she doesn’t feel like enduring it. Besides, she did get lost in her own thoughts in the first place while knowing someone would come to talk with her. She stands up and walks around her desk, gesturing for the blond to come and sit on the couch. They may not be in good terms, but it won’t be said that all her years in expansive private boarding school didn’t teach her politeness. That’s her plan: being civil, listening to whatever Kara would say, making the smallest answers possible yet enough to settle the other woman, having her back on her way as soon as possible, and then resuming her day as if all this charade never happened. She wasn’t one to like playing pretend.

Kara doesn’t move right away from the spot where she is standing. She seems frozen on the spot, except for her eyes that keeps flitting across the office and Lena. The reporter looks so uneasy, that Lena turns around to see if there would be something explaining the other woman’s comportment. But no, there is nothing out of the ordinary. When she turns back, Kara has made a few steps in her direction. It’s not uneasiness that radiates off of her, but concern. She looks at Lena with her baby blue eyes The CEO can only imagine what’s crossing her mind with the bruises and the dark circles on her face. She nervously starts to pull on her shirt sleeves, hoping to hide the best she can the scratches and cuts that are littering her forearms.

If she doesn’t remember much from that night, she certainly remembers waking up on the floor. It’s the cold that woke her first and after that, pain had taken over. From her pounding head, her aching back, to the burning feeling from her hand and forearms, the mere though of getting up seemed an impossible task. After a while, and being definitely too cold for her liking with the scotch and _ugh_ bit of blood soaked into her blouse, Lena sat up on the floor to assess the damages. She needs a few moments to get the world to stop spinning around her. Glass shards all around from the broken bottle, fallen books laying around … weirdly out of the alcohol puddle? But Lena was sure that the books were soaking in it last night, and that was what prompted her to stand up to try limiting the damages. Now that she looks more closely, the glass shards are looking strangely gathered, as if someone had started to clean up but had stopped to handle something more pressing. Lena brings a trembling hand to her face, fearing to feel blood from cuts: after all she _did fall_ face first in that mess, it would only be logical that a shard managed to pierce her skin. But she can feel anything beside sore spots, especially on her left temple. When she feels wetness on her face, she realizes it actually come from a nasty gash on her right hand. It must have happened when she tried to soften her landing. “Well, better my palm than my face … though I’m sure media would have been thrilled about a split lip” she mumbles to herself. Actually getting up takes some effort, her legs traitorously wobbling, but she needs to gather herself. After all, it’s not like someone is coming to help her pick up the pieces, and she still has a professional appointment at 10am. And she will need some time to put all the make-up required to hide the disaster that her face must be after all this. But maybe a drink first would calm her nerves and shaking hands.

When Lena comes out of her own thoughts, Kara is finally sitting down but still seems unable to voice anything, her eyes glancing between the coffee table and Lena. Almost as if she was holding back from using her x-ray vision to gauge the expanse of the damages herself. From anyone else the care and worry would be almost welcomed, but all the brunette can feel is nervousness and some cold anger simmering deep in her bones.

Kara isn’t really worried for her. She can’t be, because she never truly cared. If she had she never would have lied to Lena all this time.

“Kara. I imagine you came here for a reason, and I would really appreciate it if you could voice it. Some of us have a rather busy schedule” she snaps. The reporter looks startles for a second, as if she had been deep in thoughts and had forgotten what she came here for. She readjusts the glasses perches on her nose before speaking “Yeah, right. Of course. I know things have been complicated for L-corp lately, Leviathan, and Andrea … I mean Ms. Rojas has been on us all to get an interview to know what are your plan for the future of your company” the mention of Andrea unsettles Lena. She clenches her fists and focus back on whatever Kara is saying “… not what I’m here for and I hope you know that. I came because it’s been a while and I’ve heard there has been some troubles in your neighborhood. Like buglers, I think? So I thought I’d check on you and make sure that you’re doing okay. Not that you need my help! You’re not a damsel in a tower. But having a friend that’s a super hero could be handy with such a situation …” the reporter stutters to an end, staring at her fidgeting hands as if the intense gaze would still them.

If at first Lena was angry at the idea of the kryptonian being here to use their past friendship to gain some leverage at work, now she is confused. That was a lame explanation if she had ever heard one. The part of town she lived in was the safest, and if by any chance a thief would reach her building the security system and teams were more than capable of handling things. This wasn’t making any sense.

“Are you okay?” Kara blurts out. “I’m sorry but you look absolutely terrible. I mean it’s bad sure, but you are gorgeous. The bruises … It looks like someone has beaten you up till you passed out. But you didn’t increase security outside your office so that’s probably not what happened.” The more she talks, the more Kara closes the distance between them. All Lena can do is stare at the distressed woman, her limbs failing her. “And Rhao Lena! I know you don’t trust me and probably wish me to be gone already but… you’re my friend, please tell me no one did that to you! Tell me you’re safe! If you need anything I promise we will figure this out!”

_What?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what an emotional rollercoaster. I wonder how Lena will react ?  
> Thank you for reading my fic, and please if you've got ideas/suggestion/ pretty much anything to say don't hesitate to leave me a comment ;) See you !


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena have a much needed conversation.

Maybe she has hit her head harder than she thought. Lena knows that concussions usually happen few hours after the shock and not two days later, but she wouldn’t put it past fate to play yet another trick on her. Or maybe it is a fifth dimension being messing with her. Hadn’t Kara talked about some man from this dimension being able to bend the universe to his will? Whatever it is, she cannot figure out why of all things Kara would say that.

It’s not _logical_.

“What?” the word leaves Lena’s lips before she can stop it. She doesn’t understand Kara’s reaction.

She knows she looks bad. Poor Jess dropped all the papers she was preparing for the meeting with the investor when she saw her boss walking in. _Battered_. That’s the word she used once the initial shock had passed. And she had kept a close eye on the young woman since then, regularly finding excuses to walk in office, using the intercom to ask for her approval, and so on. But Lena isn’t surprised by the older woman mother like comportment, after all they have many hours working together. Now that she thinks about it, she should really give Jess a raise for still working for her after all the assassination attempts, her brother’s manipulation, and the daxamite invasion.

“Lena.” Kara reaches for her hand but stop midway, as if thinking better of it. “What happened to you?”.

 _What happened?_ Lena bristles internally.

What about discovering that the whole new life she has built in National City was based on lies? Or all the people stealing glances whenever she goes outside, waiting to see if she will finally turn out evil like the rest of her family? That the friends she thought she had finally found were never hers, but Kara’s and that they simply tolerated her? What about her brother using her again, knowing the young woman was so desperate to be accepted that few scraps of attention from him would have be at his beck and call? And how could she explain the sleepless nights spent grieving all what could have been with her sweet Kara Danvers, her little walking sunshine, for it to be replaced by Supergirl’s distrust and schemes to go behind her back?

Instead of saying any of it, the brunette decides to take a deep breath. Nothing good will come out of it, and she doesn’t have the energy to fight with the reporter today.

“I fell. You know I work a lot and sleep very little. I got up to fast and got lightheaded. You can probably figure out the rest of it.” She offers half the truth. That’s the best way to get Kara off her back quickly, and there is really no other way to explain the state of her face.

“What about the cut on your palm? There is nothing in your office that could have caused it, and I don’t picture you cooking on the rare times you get back home these days” Kara counters, raising a dubious eyebrow.

“Well” Lena starts, then pause. _These days?_

How does Kara know she barely set foot in her apartment anymore, desperate to avoid memories of easier times?  
Sure, the blonde woman remembers all the times she almost _literally dragged_ her out of office, saying something about needing sun and fresh air like all humans do. But there is no way that the she could know that now Lena dutifully avoids going back to her place. Being a young woman running a company such as L-corp, she has plenty of excuses at the ready to stay in her office at night. Thinking about her apartment brings once again memories of the incident two nights ago … then it all makes sense. Kara’s slip up, her lame excuse to come check on her, the glass shard she found once she woke up.

“You were here, weren’t you?” she says softly, as if she was talking to herself more than the woman sitting next to her.

“What? Lena, what are you talking about?” the reporter asks, eyes brows knit together with confusion.

“How could you know that I’ve barely been at my place lately?” the brunette asks coldly “you said yourself that I rarely get back home. And that is something one would expect a friend to know and worry about. But you’re not my friend Kara, and you’ve never been. Do I need to explain why again? Maybe this time you’ll finally understand”. Anger and weariness are finally getting the best of her. They have had this conversations times and times again, but the stubborn alien will not leave her alone. She will inevitably come back in her life, and every times Lena sees the blonde’s ponytail and glasses only to remember what it is supposed to hide, it reopens the wound all over again. The CEO can almost feel it throbbing in her chest. _How could she have been so foolish, so blind to all of it?_

“Friends do not lie to one another. They do not hide who and _what_ they are. Because by doing that from the very beginning, Supergirl, you never gave me a real chance to choose if we should be more than professional acquaintances. While you knew everything from me and were able to weigh the pros and cons of spending time with a Luthor, all I could base my choice on was the image of Kara Danvers solely. A young woman coming from Midvale, a starting reporter at CatCo, and more importantly, an innocent human that could have got hurt because she was spending time with me.”

Kara looks at her with those big blue eyes she spent so much time looking at, tears starting to gather. And that’s all Lena need to fuel her anger. How dare she act like she didn’t know what she was doing from the very start?

“Can you imagine what it felt like for me to think that I was putting you in danger every minute we spent together? That by simply wanting to be friends, it would put a target on your back? I thought I’d get you killed. One day Alex would call me or knock on my door and tell me something terrible at happened: you’d be held hostage, you’d have a car accident, my brother’s minions would have put a bullet through your head, … And every time you would be dead because of me!” Just mentioning it is enough to bring images flashing through Lena’s mind and have her shaking with horror as well as rage. “But it was all for naught, wasn’t it? Because vulnerable _human_ Kara Danvers does not exist. There is only Supergirl.”

She is now leaning toward the blonde. A scorpion gauging its prey. And ready to strike.

“And what a smart move it was on your side, I must admit that I am impressed. Having two personas was the perfect way to keep tabs on me, to see if what I would confide to Kara would concur with what I’d say to Supergirl. The smallest slip up, the tiniest difference, and you’d have all you ever needed to throw me in that dark place within the DEO that already has my name on it” Lena spits coldly “So please spare me the act of being worried about me now Ms. Danvers, and tell me what you need from me this time again.”

Kara is looking at her with a stricken expression. Anguish and confusion are battling on her face, showing in small flashes. Under any other circumstances Lena would bask in the fact she finally managed to get Kara utterly silent, but all Lena can taste is the bitterness of her own words.

The young reporter seems gather herself quickly after the initial shock and starts her usual rambling “Lena that’s not … why did you never tell me about all this, about imagining the worst scenarios? Rhao, I can’t imagine what it must have been like from your point of view.” The tears that had previously gathered in her eyes are now falling down freely along her cheeks and her voice is a bit strangled with emotion “I never thought about it that way, and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that on your own. I am terrible friend, I should have seen …”

“Were you at my place two nights ago?” Lena interrupts her.

“I wasn’t spying on you, I swear!” Kara’s gaze is flicking anxiously around the room “I wanted … I needed to know that you were fine. And I know that I’m nothing but a liar, a traitor to your eyes, I know that. But I need you to believe me when I say that I do care about you.”

She takes a steadying breath before explaining.

“Yes I was there, but not from the beginning. I was coming back from patrol when I passed nearby. I wasn’t spying but I used to focus on your place to know you were alright and uh … old habits die hard I guess?” Kara scratches the back of her head then mumbles something that Lena don’t quite catch about coming off wrong and sounding like a creep, then continues. “I heard breaking glass. I thought maybe it was someone breaking in and that you were in troubles so I came as fast as I could. When I reached your balcony you were standing up in front of the bookshelves. You were swaying so badly, and before I knew what was happening you were falling to the ground. I didn’t get time to catch you and when I got by your side ... you wouldn’t react when I called your name!”

She is now wringing her hands at the memory, seeing the scene unfold in her mind and feeling the fear constricting her chest all over again. Kara had imagined the worst while holding protectively in her arms the unresponsive woman. What had happened? Was Lena sick? Poisoned? Her breathing was fine, her heartrate perfectly normal and she couldn’t see any wound beside a nasty gash on her palm. But she isn’t a doctor and she won’t risk her friend’s life. Maybe she should bring her to the DEO to ask Alex to check what is going on? They surely would be able to help her.

The superhero then assessed her surroundings, looking for any clue she could give her sister to figure out what happened to Lena. She then realized the alcohol puddle in which the books were soaking along with glass shards. There was an empty glass on the kitchen island as well. Taking everything in account Kara had a better idea of the situation and felt immediate relief: no one attacked Lena. But it means she did all this to herself.

Knowing how angry Lena would be to know Kara had seen her in that state, the blonde decided that the best course of action is to limit the damages while pretending she never came in the first place. She picked up the books and placed them out of the puddle, she gathered most of the shards to make sure Lena wouldn’t hurt herself further, and finally, she gently laid Lena on the floor. It tore at her heart to do so but there was no way Lena wouldn’t remember her fall and so expect to be on the ground. And after a last check on her, Kara left. Promising herself she would come check how Lena was doing soon but not the day right after, to not raise any suspicion.

So much for that part of the plan.

Kara gets back to present when Lena snaps her fingers, trying to catch the blonde’s attention.

“Yeah! Right!" Kara shakes her head quickly, letting the memory fade "You were not answering but from what I could see, no one had attacked you and you would be fine. I knew you’d be pissed to see me there so I decided to pretend I didn’t see.” A flash of guilt crosses the woman face before she adds softly “I lied to you again. I’m sorry Lena.”

Lena was expecting to feel enraged. _She had been right!_ Kara was there, keeping an eye on her, and went as far as coming into her home knowing she wasn’t welcome there anymore. But the reporter’s apologies had somehow managed to ring true for once and Lena didn’t see the point into fighting over this. All she felt at the moment was exhaustion and the need for a drink. It was what had landed her in this situation but she couldn’t help it, and she had more pressing matters to attend to.

“Kara, it was a one-time accident. You’re right, I don’t appreciate you coming in my apartment uninvited. Being a superhero doesn’t mean you’re above the law. However I will let it slide for this time because I’m the one who created this mess and I could have indeed needed medical attention. But don’t do it again. I’m not my brother but it doesn’t mean I don’t know how to keep a kryptonian at bay if need be.” She stands up, and watch the weigh of her words strike her former friend, making her clench her fists in a white knuckles grip. Good.

She walks toward the door of her office and is pleased to hear ruffling sounds, indicating that Kara is standing as well. Her message has been heard for once and her wish to be alone will be granted soon.

“Now if this all what you came for, I’d like you to leave. I have a company to run.”

Kara doesn’t say answer back. She doesn’t even look at Lena, her eyes trained to the floor. She simply walks out, somehow seeming smaller and defeated.

Then Lena clicks the door shut. She thought she would feel relief, even joy, at seeing Kara finally doing what she asked her to. But now, alone in her empty office, she's feeling numb. _Drained._

Maybe that’s what prompted her to open the bottom drawer of her desk and get the whiskey flask stored there. She downs a few gulps before putting it back in its place. At least now she feels the alcohol burn instead of emptiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being way longer than I thought it would be ! omg  
> Thanks for reading and all your kind words. I hope you like it, and again don't hesitate to leave a kudo or a comment ! Those fuel me to write at night ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena is falling deeper but gets a new visitor.

After Kara’s visit to her office, Lena throws herself even deeper into work.

Her office has officially become a sort of second home, everything needed for sleeping arrangement being carefully stored in a closet. The same goes for alcohol, stored in various drawers in the office. Lena knows that she shouldn’t drink that often. But it has always been her weakness, ever since boarding school, and she had yet to find something that would calms her nerves or headache as well as a glass of some dry alcohol.

But it also comes with sluggish thoughts in the morning, dropped reports from her clumsy hands, and dark heavy smudges installed under her eyes. Her porcelain skin has turned ashen from the lack of proper rest and fresh air. And there is no fast enough dry cleaning for the rumpled clothes she wakes up in regularly, not having gotten the chance to change before passing out into them.

In the first few days after the exchange, Jess had looked at her boss with eyes full of confusion and concern for the young woman: she knew her relation with Kara had been strained, but she had hoped their talk would get some sense into Lena and make her realize that her behavior was concerning. That there were people caring about her and that those same people where even worried right now. But it seemed it had the opposite effect and sent the CEO even further into her self-destructive spiral.

Jess tried to directly express her concern _one time_. When she walked in the office as usual to explain to the brunette her agenda for the day, but instead found the young woman fast asleep at her desk with a rum bottle at hand reach and an empty glassed still clutched in her uninjured hand. Seeing her boss that way had unsettled Jess.

This small, fragile thing, asleep on projects files, her mouth slightly agape, looked nothing like the intimidating woman capable of silencing a whole board meeting with the raise of an eyebrow. Jess walked around the desk and almost tripped over an errand booze bottle, the noise not enough to disturb the sleeping woman. _This is getting out of hand,_ had thought the secretary.

And that’s what she had tried to explain to her employer once she had woken her up: if anyone were to see that, the news of Lena Luthor being a drunkard would spread through National city in matter of hours. The board council would jump on the opportunity to get her removed from her CEO position, relying on her addiction to say her inability to run the company. And if Lena had been blinking at her somewhat confusedly at first, when the last words spoken to her had sunk in, hell broke loose.

“Maybe seeing a professional would be a good idea. There is absolutely no shame into asking for help Miss Luthor.”

_To say it back-fired would be an understatement._

Her usually reasonable and kind hearted employer, saw red even before she could finish her sentence.

“You would do good to remember our respective positions in the company. As my secretary, I expect you to takes notes when asked to, to organize my professional agenda, and other things along that line. Not to gossip around. If you cannot keep that in mind, I’m sure someone else would. Am I clear Jess? I don’t want to do it, but don’t think that I won’t. You can go now.” Jess hadn’t brought up the topic ever since, keeping her eyes resolutely on her tablet screen whenever Lena was around. She also got into the habit of printing Lena’s agenda for the day and leaving it on her desk every morning with a subdued “Good morning Miss Luthor. Here is your agenda for the day” before quickly walking out.

Honestly, Lena doesn’t blame her. She knows she has been too harsh on the woman who only spoke out of concern for her wellbeing. Her work was impeccable, and although she did way more than what a secretary position entails, she never said anything about it.

 _I should apologize_ , Lena thinks. But for a prideful Luthor, it’s easier said than done. _It’s more than time she gets a raise. Iknow I've said it before but never got around it. It's ridiculous. I’ll go tell her the news in person, then call HR department to …_

Before she gets to stand up, Jess walks in her office, clearly irritated.

“I’m sorry Miss Luthor, I tried to tell her she needs an appointment but …”, Jess doesn’t get to finish her explanation before Alex Danvers walks in as if she owned the place. Looking passably pissed off to be here in the first place.

_Well, some things actually never change at least._

But this time it’s different. Behind Alex’s scowl Lena perceives something else. The agent is studying her cautiously, like a doctor would, not even bothering to away when she catches Lena’s eyes. It doesn’t seem as if she likes what she is seeing, her mouth slowly turning into a thin line the longer she looks at the CEO. She opens her mouth as if to speak but seems to change her mind and settles on camping herself a bit more firmly in the middle of the room.

A soldier ready to stand her position.

What is Alex planning this time? Doesn’t she know Lena is busy running L-corp? She doesn’t have the time for yet another lecture from the other woman.

“It’s okay Jess, you’re not at fault.” Lena says with a sigh “I think coming unannounced is something that runs into the Danvers family. Can you make sure we are not disturbed, unless there is an emergency? I think agent Danvers has a lot to talk about and I’d like it to stay in this office. Thank you.”

If Alex is here to ask her help for the DEO, she has come for nothing. Lena has already helped them so many times, it’s a wonder they managed to handle any alien at all before she came to National city a few years back! If it wasn’t for her and all her inventions, Kara would have died a long time ago.

The thought has her sick, fear sitting deep in her chest. Lena can’t stop her thoughts from spiraling downward, bringing up the worst scenarios possible.

_Maybe that’s it._

Alex has come to tell her that Kara got injured once again while protecting the city, but this time it’s too late. Kara is laying on a gurney or a medical bed in the med bay of the DEO. Maybe there is kryptonite coursing through her veins, burning her alive, or it’s a wound so deep they cannot stop the bleeding and her breath becomes more and more shallow.

Till it stops entirely. Kara’s chest doesn’t move anymore. Lena can picture it all too well, after all the close calls she helped managed.

But not this time.

And all this because Lena was too stubborn, too hurt, to keep working on DEO project. She could have done something, she knows it. But now it’s too late, she’ll never hear Kara ramble over sweet nothings ever again, and she’ll never get the chance to tell her …

“I’ll inform security to stay nearby.” Jess’ voice startles the brunette back into reality. She looks around the room, trying to shake off the dread that had gripped her heart at the idea of Kara … Supergirl being hurt in any way.

Lena feels light headed. This is too much. _I need to get a hold of myself. Supergirl’s problem aren’t mine._

The secretary starts to slowly walks out, but not before throwing a warry look toward the agent direction, as if gauging and daring her to do something reckless. Once the door clicks shut behind her, Alex steps closer to Lena.

“We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter than the last one but I couldn't decide where to cut it and otherwise it would have turned into a monster of thousands of words XD and I wasn't ready to face that yet !  
> Thank you all for the comments and support. Don't hesitate to let me know what you think of the story, I'm always thrilled to have feedback :D !


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex pays Lena a visit

Lena is staring at the door Jess has closed behind her.

For some reason seeing it shut makes uneasiness swell inside of her, slowly constricting her chest. Her breath is not as easy as mere minutes ago and Lena can feel her hands shaking. She knows the feeling is irrational: Jess can still hear her if need be, her security team has been called by now and is standing at the ready, and it is not as if Alex is here to hurt her …

Right?

Lena tries to swallow down her anxiety, feeling it closing her throat ever so slowly.

A few months ago, the two women had grown closer and closer through working on some scientific projects, watching over Supergirl and making sure the missions would go as smoothly as possible, and of course spending time with Kara. They even used to team up every now and again at game nights, spending the whole time boasting while the other tried to minimize the damages the best they could.

 _It seems like a whole different life,_ Lena thinks, _so much has changed._

Lena had learned all about Kara’s real identity as a super hero, they all had been transported to a new planet after earth-38 had been destroyed, she had developed _non-nocere_ out of a place of hurt and despair, hoping it would fix things.

She had worked with Lex.

Out of all those things, this one makes her feel sick. She had done so willingly, believing everything he had told her, believing that maybe the brother she had known and loved all those years before had come back to her, having her best interests at heart. Someone really cared about her. Of course he knew everything of her deep desire to be accepted, to be truly seen for who she is, he had played that string just right, and Lena had been all too happy to do as she was told.

_A puppy eager to please._

The brunette had used that comparison to describe Kara more than once while she had manipulated her, biding her time till she could get her hand on Myriad and set her plan in motion. But had she really faired any better?

Reality had caught up with her, hard and fast. All the warnings from Kara had been true and Lex had once again let her down, once her purpose had been served. And sure, she had helped fighting Leviathan, but she couldn’t erase what she had done during the last months, the superfriends making their distrust clear through all their side glances and the general stiffness while she was at the DEO to help them handling that situation.

And ever since that menace had been dealt with, none of them had reached out to her, wondering how she was doing after all what she had been through. She had hoped against all odds that one of them would ask for news from her, from sheer politeness at worst. But nothing happened. No visit, no phone call, no text.   
The only one that had cared enough to come to her once things had settled down had been Kara, and of course she had to send her away out stubbornness, holding on her hurt and betrayal like a life line, and using harsh words to make sure the other woman would hurt just like she does.

By the time her blood had cooled down enough for her to think rationally again, it was too late to apologize, the Luthor pride getting in the way, and all Lena had done was pouring herself another drink to try to dull the ache in her chest.

Her wish had been granted. She had not heard from her ever since she had issued her threats. She was on her own all over again, and this time she couldn’t blame anyone but herself.

 _Agent Danvers has all the reasons to be mad at me_ , Lena winces internally. _To want to see me hurt after what I did to her sister. In her position I would._

Seeing Alex standing here, dressed up as if about to go on an intervention, made Lena reconsider her position. If usually she was the figure of authority in that room, the tables had turned.

Unconsciously the CEO leaned back into her chair, adding some distance between herself and the other woman. Her posture was slowly turning more defensive, despite being all too aware that if the agent had set her mind on hurting her there was very little she could do, especially given her condition lately. Slow reflexes and shaky legs would make it easier for the special agent.

 _And wouldn’t she like that?_ Lena feel a chill running down her spine.

Alex had been the most suspicious from them all, always telling Kara that a Luthor would never change, always keeping an eye on her and quick to paint Lena as the culprit of whatever happened in National city. The short haired woman would surely love to see Lena try to escape her only to trip and fall. Maybe she would catch her, not willing to see the game being over too soon, before backing her against a wall and relishing into finally having a Luthor at her mercy.

Lena could picture it and the thought makes her dizzy, her heart pounding in her chest in a fight or flight reflex.

But for now Alex is just standing in front of her desk, looking at her with a mix of confusion and concern painted on her face. If not for her straight posture and uniform, one could think she is a concerned friend paying Lena a visiting to see what is going on.

Why would Alexandra Danvers of all people be concerned about her? Or is it away to get Lena letting her guard down? To fell safe before pulling the rug from under her feet?

It’s barely 11am, but Lena is still too hungover, and the fear in her chest too oppressive, to give much thought to what is on Alex’s mind. Agents are trained to have a neutral expression at all time. The brunette has only ever seen the other woman wearing that kind of expression when something involving loved ones happened. When Reign had beaten up Supergirl into a coma. When Kara … when _Supergirl_ had been poisoned by kryptonite. Maybe it’s about Kara, maybe there is …

“Lena, did you hear me?” Alex says, raising her voice slightly to catch the CEO’s attention.

“Sorry, what?” Lena jumps in her chair, shaken back into reality by the raised voice. She had completely lost track of what was going on around her.

 _What a way to prove your not a mess, or completely freaked out at having a DEO agent in the same room as you,_ Lena thinks bitterly.

Alex sights, stepping forward to get a closer look at her.

“Lena” Alex starts, sounding hesitant “I know we’re not friends and I won’t pretend that we are in good terms at all. But what the hell is happening?”

She leans closer into the CEO’s space, and Lena doesn’t know when she grabbed the armrests of her chair but now she is holding tight on them.

“Take a seat please” she says curtly, with a jerk of her head. “And I don’t know what Kara told but everything is …”

“Please, humor me Luthor” Alex stopes her before sitting down on the edge of her chair, as if ready to pounce on her.

Lena hates how such a detail makes her anxiety swells up even more. _Get a grip of yourself, dammit!_

“No need to be a genius to see you’re not okay. The dark circles under your eyes, your agar look, your jumpiness and the increase in security … I can put two and two together.” Alex gives a pointed look toward her slowly healing hand, causing the brunette to anxiously rub the scabbing still holding on her palm since she seems unable to let it heal properly and regularly find herself picking at the scabbing. Many blood-stained shirts being the collateral victims of her nerves.

Alex takes Lena’s silence as her cue to keep going.

“Besides, Kara didn’t say anything from the last time she came here. She only came back with the look of a kicked puppy and refused to pipe a word about you.”

This catch Lena’s attention. Kara didn’t talk about what she witnessed? Lena was sure she would have told her sister about she had seen at Lena’s place or at least about their last exchange _“… I’m not my brother but it doesn’t mean I don’t know how to keep a kryptonian at bay if need be.”_ Now that she was thinking about it, not seeing a DEO squad barging in her office should have clued her on the fact that Kara didn’t share about their last exchange.

“And that’s probably the more worrying of all this!” Alex continues “Usually I have to sit through hours of Lena this, Lena has invented that, Lena explained me this, … she is unable to stop talking when it comes to you.”

Lena snorts softly at the agent clear exasperation, happy to see that the blonde woman can get under anyone’s skin.

Though a quiet Kara is a foreign concept to her, given that this woman is able to babble about any topic for hours on end. That’s something Lena had thought endearing about her, listening fondly to her former friend just to see that thousand watts smile she reserved for Lena.

That was before she learnt the truth. The endless rants about food, books or series had turned into endless streams of apology whenever she was next to the CEO, the superhero not noticing how this would only fuel her anger. Lena couldn’t stand watching the blond-haired woman looking at her with her blue eyes full of unshed tears, stammering meaningless apologies to her while she had been the one deciding to lie to Lena for years.

Alex as well. No matter how many times Lena had answered her calls and come rescuing her alien sister, she had never dimmed the brunette worthy of her trust.

Lena rubs her temple, trying to reign on the anger, hurt and anxiety threatening to drown her from the inside. She cannot let Alex throw her off balance, she won’t give her this satisfaction.

The agent stops talking to give her a thoughtful look, as if weighing her options.

“God I understand Kara’s better now … Lena, are you okay? Do you need help?”

 _What?_ Lena is struggling to process what the agent is saying.

“Don’t take it the wrong way, but … the DEO trains us to analyze people behavior and you’re looking and acting exactly like a victim in denial, or someone being blackmailed” the agent rushes out, not leaving time for Lena to stop her “Given your family history and reputation and your position as a fortune 500 and young CEO, both are probable options. So what is it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there ! let's be straight to the point : I never thought this story would be that long. I aimed for a one shot. But some comments got me thinking that maybe it could become a bit more than that and ... here we are !  
> I hope you're enjoying it so far ! If updates are getting a bit slower it's basically life getting in the way, me trying to hold myself together and also trying to plan this story to give you the best content I can.
> 
> As usual don't hesitate to leave kudos or comments to let me know what you think ! It fuels me to write this story and get me through the blank page syndrome !
> 
> Hope everyone is doing good ! Stay safe !

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr : https://i-okamie.tumblr.com/


End file.
